My Beloved

For me life is sometimes a lonely walk, sometimes a bit tipped, sometimes difficult, heartbreaking more than I would like, yet every day is filled with “joy unspeakable and full of glory”. 1 Peter 1:7-9

So what brought me to this journey? On Wed, Jan 8, 2014, we rushed to the hospital and my hubby spent five days being poked and prodded. We came home with aching, but hopeful hearts. Less than a week later our life crashed further when we had to rush to the big hospital in the big city, where we lived for a week while tests were done. We came home with a confirmed diagnosis of MDS (myelodysplastic syndrome); our hearts were broken, but there was still hope and together we clung to that hope for 10 months.

Through all the trips to the oncology clinic, the transfusions, the ups and downs of Mac’s blood counts, the Lord gave us comfort. We took it one day at a time, and relied on God to give us the strength to meet each challenge. We had our moments of weakness, as everyone does, but God was—and is—able, and He always picked us back up and filled us with HIS hope. We saw God working through each day, and our hearts were filled with HIS joy, even through our burdens and sorrows. We trusted God for all that was ahead, and always prayed for His perfect will for both of us.

Then 10 months to the day the doctor delivered the worst news. The MDS had blown into a fast moving leukemia and Mac had only a few precious days left on this earth. Mac was moved to a hospice house where he was lovingly and tenderly taken care of for 8 days, and where I was able to stay and sleep in his room. Two of our sons were able to travel here and spend the week with us. Their presence helped to ease the burden on my heart, and Mac found joy in seeing them one last time.

During the few days Mac was still alert he kept reminding me, “Absent from the body, present with the Lord. Trust our Lord, He will see you through whatever is ahead, and remember I will see you again, my love.” Then on Sunday morning, Nov. 16, around 8:30 Mac went home to be with the Lord.

I was reading in my Bible at the time he passed, and it struck me how God has even planned my devotion:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”—Joshua 1:9 (NASB)

While I miss Mac deeply, I rejoice that he is no longer in pain. God has seen me through these past months, and I know that God will see me through the days and years ahead as I make this Widow’s Journey.

Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
—Isaiah 41:10 (NASB)

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