Thursday, December 21, 2017

Being my own best friend

This post is in response to 3 Tips for Christmas Plans, which you will find at Widow’s Christian Place. I encourage you to read Ferree’s original post for some wonderful guidance and insight. 

“Holidays are hard during grief”, Ferree stated. Then she shared her “3 Tips for Christmas Plans”. As I read them, I saw myself in every sentence. This is my 3rd Christmas without my beloved husband, and while I’m doing a lot better this year compared to the first two years, I still find it difficult. Holidays bring up so many memories. I often deal with: “I wish we’d known it would be our last together” moments. I don’t watch certain Christmas movies, because they stir up too much sadness; but there are other movies I can simply watch and enjoy. My goal this year was to find more happiness than sadness during this season, and so far, I’m doing okay; but I’ve hit a few rough spots. Below is an expanded version of what I sent to Ferree about her 3 Tips.

1. Something to look forward to & changing decorations: This is the first year I’ve had a tree just for me. I bought this little (as in a whopping 18” tall) tabletop tree, and the tiny little ornaments that go with it (think the size of a quarter). The tree is loaded with lights (I am my father’s daughter!), and I actually enjoy turning it on in the evening. “Our” tree now brings joy to a family in my church who needed a tree. The rest of “our” decorations are safely tucked away in a plastic tub and stored for down the road—or never again. Those Christmas cards? I took them out, and put them back in the drawer, so don’t hold your breath waiting for one from me. HAHA Perhaps next year I’ll send them out. Perhaps not.

2. Escape plan: Now I know better then to over-do, but I failed myself this past Sunday evening. :-/  We had our Christmas potluck at church and there I was surrounded by all these happy couples and families, and I felt so very alone. To close the evening we had a small Christmas program with the little ones, and I began to fall apart. I should have grabbed my purse and left, but I actually felt ashamed of myself. How stupid is that? I know better. I know it’s okay to have these feelings—yet I forced myself to suffer through it all. I kept telling myself that this time of heartbreak was a growing time, but it was a struggle. Once I arrived home I had a good cry, and then laid it all at the foot of the cross and by the next day I was fine. I’m now also very firm in my resolve that if I need to escape in the future—I will do so! 

3. Being my own best friend: Thanks to this tip, I’ve now purchased something for myself. I’d been debating about this purchase, but it’s my Christmas gift to me. In fact, if my beloved was alive, he would have bought it for me, so I’ll consider it a gift from him as well. So Merry Christmas to me from my bestest friend, and from me as well.

I’m a bit ahead in the “cashing in on the offers for help” department—and it wasn’t easy. Like many of us, I have a hard time asking for, and accepting, help. All my life I've been told that I was tough, I could handle things, I could do things, etc. However, asking for and accepting help was a wise and emotionally healthy decision. In the past few months some men from church have helped me clean almost all of my late husband’s things out of the garage (we’ll finish in January). They’ve dealt with everything (including bravely killing some big, ugly spiders!), and even taught me how to use the tools that are basic. I can now drill holes with the best of them, I have my own socket wrench set, and I can put shelves and things together. Yeah me! 

I’m glad my beloved chose this area for our retirement. I have a wonderful church home, with a godly pastor; and I’ve made wonderful friends who are like family. I’m very content in where the Lord has placed me, and 3 years ago I didn’t think I’d ever say that. Starting next year, there will be some major changes in my life and I’m excited to see how God directs and uses me.

In just a few days, on Christmas Eve, I will celebrate 39 years as a child of the King. It’s still the best day of my life. The one that assures me that I’ll see my beloved again someday; and best of all—I’ll see my Savior. Because of this day, I have peace to face each day, and find strength and comfort as I travel this new path as a widow. I rest in the promise found in Romans 8:38-39:

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Merry Christmas to all of YOU, and especially to all the other widows out there who are reading this. Remember to put CHRIST in your Christmas, and to focus on the One who was born so that He could die and rise again for your sins. Oh what joy heaven will be!


Tuesday, July 4, 2017

July 4—Psalm 4:

I think this could be a widow’s Psalm—at least this widow's Psalm.

1) Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have relieved me in my distress;
2) Be gracious to me and hear my prayer.
O sons of men, how long will my honor become a reproach?
How long will you love what is worthless and aim at deception?

It begins with David crying out in his distress to God. This is what I did as a new widow, and it’s what I still do. Oh, my cries and pleas are normally no longer filled with the deep, dark, distressing aches of my heart; yet I know that God, and God alone, can help me.

In the second verse, David speaks to his enemies. While I don’t have those kinds of enemies, I do daily battle with satan, and even with others who often push at me to travel a path that isn’t what God has planned for me. Without my husband to guide me, I’m more easily led by others. It’s something I have to be extra careful about it in my life as a widow.

3) But know that the Lord has set apart the godly man for Himself;
The Lord hears when I call to Him.
4) Tremble, and do not sin;
Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still.

Then David acknowledges that God hears when he cries out. Oh, how often in those early days did I wonder if God was listening to me. I’d ask Him over and over why He couldn’t have healed Mac’s body, why He took Mac home to glory and left me alone to deal with decisions, finances, frustrations, loneliness, and despair. Then I finally realized the God was listening to me—I just wasn’t listening to Him. God heard me then, and He hears me now—each and every day. All I have to do is cry out to God and He hears. 

I like the last portion of verse 4: meditating at night in bed, and learning to be still. It makes me think of Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God”, a verse that is very special to me. I’ll freely admit that, as a widow, I am more still in my personal relationship with God. It was so easy to lean on Mac, to turn to him for comfort, encouragement, and strength. Now I absolutely must be still and listen to God, letting Him provide my comfort, encouragement, and strength.

5) Offer the sacrifices of righteousness,
And trust in the Lord.
6) Many are saying, “Who will show us any good?”
Lift up the light of Your countenance upon us, O Lord!

Trust. It’s hard for many of us, but it’s harder for a widow. I might smile and tell you all is well, but deep inside, there are times when I am floundering and totally at a loss for what I need to do. At times like that, I try to remember Joshua 1:9: “Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

7) You have put gladness in my heart,
More than when their grain and new wine abound.
8) In peace I will both lie down and sleep,
For You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.

David closes this Psalm with words that bring tears of joy to my eyes, and lifts my weary soul; for God has “put gladness in my heart”. God alone has given me relief from my sorrow. He has heard my pleas for comfort and strength. He has faithfully given me joy and gladness in my heart, allowing me to face each day in His strength. I rest and sleep totally trusting Him for my safety, my health, my comfort, my joy—all my needs.

Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have relieved me in my distress;
Be gracious to me and hear my prayer.
O sons of men, how long will my honor become a reproach?
How long will you love what is worthless and aim at deception?
But know that the Lord has set apart the godly man for Himself;
The Lord hears when I call to Him.
Tremble, and do not sin;
Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still.
Offer the sacrifices of righteousness,
And trust in the Lord.
Many are saying, “Who will show us any good?”
Lift up the light of Your countenance upon us, O Lord!
You have put gladness in my heart,
More than when their grain and new wine abound.
In peace I will both lie down and sleep,
For You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.

Scripture quotations taken from the NASB

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Fully equipped

I cried out to God, “What is the point of my life?”

God answered me with an opportunity, and I said, “No, I can’t do that. Show me the real point of my life now that I’m a widow.”

God again showed me the same opportunity, and I again said, “No way, I get too nervous. No way. You're not listening to me, Lord. Show me something I can do for you so that my life has meaning.”

For months, God and I had this battle. No, I battled and God was patient with me; but I still kept asking God to show me what He wanted me to do—and always I was waiting for God to provide the answer I wanted to hear.

Then God sent me another opportunity, and I laughed, because it was the same opportunity with a slightly different twist. Still I didn’t say yes, instead I hesitated and stewed about it all. I even came up with some interesting reasons why I simply couldn’t do this for the Lord.

I prayed. I researched. I prayed. I found what I needed to accomplish this task. I continued to hesitate. I prayed, and I went to bed hesitating about it all. I awoke this morning and told God, “I’m not sure I can do this, but if You’ll give me the strength, I'll do it.”

Then God showed me something in His Word.

2 Corinthians 9:8 (NASB)—“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed…”

It was then that I realized God has already equipped me fully to do this for Him, but I had simply failed to trust Him to do as He promised. With absolute peace in my heart, I’m moving forward with this opportunity, and I’ll be totally trusting God daily for all the strength I need to accomplish this task.

1 Peter 5:7: “casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”

Saturday, February 11, 2017

The Day

Happy Valentine’s Day!

The world is about to celebrate Valentine’s Day, the day where those who don’t have a special someone in their life can easily feel very alone, lost, left out, etc. Let’s be honest, even those with a special someone in their life can find this day difficult. Life isn’t always easy, is it?

Last year I wrote about “The Perfect Valentine”, and why Valentine’s Day is difficult in many ways for me. In the year that has passed, I’ve grown a great deal spiritually, and I’ve emotionally healed a great deal as well. Or so I thought. 

A few weeks ago I noticed that I wasn’t sleeping well, I was easily frustrated, and I was having emotional meltdowns and doing weird things. It actually took a big meltdown where I let loose on someone, and hurt them, before I realized what was going on with me. Once I realized that it was likely all because the day was just around the corner, I apologized to my friend, and then apologized to God. I was able to let go and really talk to the Lord about it, and suddenly I knew how to survive:
  • Fill my heart with God’s Word in even more abundance than normal.
  • Spend more time in prayer for others.
  • Call on a precious friend for extra support.
I’m often a stubborn person, even when God shows me something. Yes, I know I’ll pay the price for not being obedient, but I have this sin nature that is filled with “issues”, and one of my biggest issues is stubbornness, and that’s closely followed by being lazy, and then there’s … well, I’ll let you imagine my other issues. ;-)

I’m excited to say that this was one time when I wasn’t stubborn. Now that I think about it, I should probably mark this down on my calendar and make it an annual celebration: the day Kimberly wasn’t stubborn. HA! Anyhow, I sat right down and sent an email to my dear friend and asked her to pray for me. We had prayed for each other in special ways during this past ‘holiday season’, and I knew that she would stand with me once again.

While I have many friends, God has blessed my life with the love and friendship of this lady. She has a heart for Him, a heart filled with joy, and a heart that cares about others. She and I have connected in so many ways, with similar likes and dislikes, and we even have a similar strange sense of humor. My poor friend. We are simply able to talk and pray and support each other. She’s encouraged me in so many ways, and I know that I can tell her anything and it will never go beyond her heart, and I trust that she knows the same about me. I feel greatly blessed that God sent this lady into my life.

For the past two weeks I’ve spent a lot of time reading my Bible, praying for others, and in particular I uphold my dear friend in extra prayer every morning and before going to sleep at night. The result is that my spirit is calm, my heart is happy; and even when my cold got me down (and whine about it I did!), I knew that God would see me through the day.

Prayer is a powerful weapon, and when combined with God’s Word and the support of other Christians, there is no limit to what can happen. If you are struggling right now, I hope you will reach out to the Lord and to a dear friend for support.

“…that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.”
—Romans 1:12 (NIV)

Friday, January 20, 2017

God Leads

“I am leading you along a way that is uniquely right for you,” is how my devotional began a few weeks ago. My first thought was Psalm 37:23: “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.” (KJV). The author of the devotional had included some scripture references as well, and one of them really stood out to me as it meshed with my own reference: “For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”—Ephesians 2:10 (NIV 1984)

As a relatively new widow, I’m always struck by the idea that God had planned all this for me (and even for my late husband). Before we were ever born, God knew we would marry, where we would fail, where we would shine, where we would live, and when we would die.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…”—Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV 1984)

God knew I would be alone, and He planted scripture in my heart to sustain me through it all. He prepared a church home for me. He brought men and women into my life to be my friends, and to whom I could be a friend as well. God prepared a bottle for my tears, and each one is precious to Him.

“You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.”—Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

Yes, this is God’s perfect plan for me. Does God have a perfect plan for you? Yes, He does; and it begins with accepting Jesus as your Savior—and then all the rest will have meaning. Even the difficult times.

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”—2 Corinthians 4:17 (NIV 1984)