Monday, October 26, 2015

For my good

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.“—Romans 8:28
As pastor read the scripture to open his sermon, I furiously wrote on the side of my handout:

Q: How was it for my good that Mac died?

After all, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed that God would heal Mac. So how was it for my good that Mac died?

I was angry in my heart. Angrier then I have been in many, many months. I didn’t want to sit there and listen to this message. My brain and heart cried out to God … What good did Mac’s death do???!!!??? I could easily have sat there in the pew with my arms folded over my chest, and a scowl on my face. I stopped actively listening to the sermon. I vaguely heard phrases like, “God doesn’t always do what WE want Him to do”, and I thought, “No kidding!” Pastor said that God doesn’t always answer our prayers as we ask either—well, tell me something new. As this battle furiously raged inside of me, pastor continued to preach. I wondered how he could so calmly continue preaching while I was fighting such a battle. Doesn’t anyone else care?!?

“ …and we have His promise that in all things He is actively working for our good.” BAH! 

“God, again I ask you … how was it for my good that Mac died? TELL ME!”

“Whatever situation we are in, and this includes our sufferings, as mentioned in verse 17, and even our groaning (v. 23). Suffering is part of the package.”

I heard pastor say something about a desert, and cactus, and suddenly in my heart I knew the answer. It was as though God spoke to me, and with that understanding a sense of total peace and calm came over me. I wrote on my handout:

A: Because you, Kimberly, used to rely on Mac for everything, and now you rely on ME!

Where did that answer come from? I cried out to God and He answered me. I may not have been conscientiously listening to the sermon, but in the quiet of my heart I was, and the Holy Spirit was able to teach me. I realized that God took me to that desert pastor mentioned. A desert where there wasn’t any water, and there wasn’t any day – only night without stars or the moon, and all I found was stones to stumble on, and cactus burrs that scratched and hurt. There wasn’t anyone to physically lift me up and guide me—but once I put my eyes on God, He brought me through it and now my sovereign assurance is in GOD

I realized that I now rely on God in a way I never would have while Mac was alive. I now turn to God first for help and guidance. For the first time since Mac passed away, I have a joy unspeakable, unmeasurable, and unfailing. A deeper joy then I have known in many months. Recently I had wondered if I’d ever be happy—really happy—again, and yet there I sat: filled with complete and total joy and peace, knowing that in Mac’s death God brought good into my life.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.“—Romans 8:28

No comments:

Post a Comment