October 12, 2018 would have been “our” 44th wedding anniversary, but anniversaries ended at 40 for “us”. I still remember the last special dinner, and the words we spoke knowing there wouldn’t be another anniversary. These memories, while sad, also bring joy to my heart because they remind me how profoundly blessed I was to have spent 40 years with my beloved Mac.
I’ve struggled again this year with dreams where my beloved is with me, but not with me. I see him speak and respond to others, but never to me. I call out, and sometimes I reach out, yet he never even looks at me. When I wake up, I’m very empty inside and I have a deep desire to curl back up under the covers and stay put—but I don’t. Instead I get up, put coffee on, and while it brews I stand at the sink and look out the window at the sky and clouds … and I pray. I don’t pray for myself, I find it’s much healthier for me to pray for others. With a cup of coffee in my hand, I go sit and read my Bible. Grabbing hold of the Lord’s hand is the only way I am able to move forward. The. Only. Way.
If you’re struggling with sorrow today, if you’re struggling with anything today, reach out to Jesus Christ. He is “the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6)